St. Peter: The Imperfect Model

By Ilana Blattner


A best friend and a follower
An apostle and a martyr
Oh, how to walk in your footsteps
As another of God’s daughters?

I take great comfort in you
And all your imperfections
But when it comes to faith
I have a sea of endless questions

How do you measure faith
Or caring for thy brother
Not by metrics or by words
But divine love of one another?

We are more alike than I had thought
In you, I find my reflection and my end
When in my faith anxiety’s wrought
Your humanity brings my heart to mend

Peter –
Daring, driven, divine
Kirsome, kindred, kind
Martyr, mentor, mine.

A Love That Comes in Threes:

8/8/18 – ETC Camp, Matthew 14:22-32

“Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.”

Lord, this passage has proven to be especially fruitful for me today. My anxieties have been eating away at me relentlessly, and in this supposed place of worship, I have struggled to feel You. Sitting by the fountain though and envisioning You walking on the water felt right. I’m feeling a bit like Peter at the moment. Doubting, frightful, lead-footed Peter. Of course, I yearn to come and follow You, but I feel as though I am drowning in my doubts. Though the wind is against me at this moment, I have taken courage in You. You are always with me. Jesus, please help me to keep my head above the water and walk with you in love.



A week ago today, I seemed to be haunted by the passage John 21:15-19. Three times Peter denied Jesus, three times Jesus asked Peter if he loved him, and three times in one week I was faced with this piece of scripture in three different ways. It was too perfect to be mere coincidence, and I can’t help but feel You and Peter are trying to tell me something. I intend on discerning just what it could be.

            Peter, we are more alike than I had realized before. Our faith, our doubts, our unconditional love of Christ; to say you are anything less than my patron saint would be a disservice to you. We’re both a bit lead-footed, it seems. What are you trying to tell me now?

            Jesus, what is Your message for me? What will it take for me to follow You as You wish? I so love You, Lord. I pray for the day that I will be regarded as one of Your truly beloved disciples. I pray to be in blessed union with You.

            Peter, pray for me. Show me what a true act of discipleship looks like in this world, and remember how deeply I love you and Christ as you wait for me in the next.



Peter, what are you trying to tell me? First, you fill my thoughts over the weekend, and then just last night, I felt called to read the first bit of Acts and study the Twelve. I fell asleep with your medals in my hand and awoke with a dream of you in my mind. What you said or did escapes me, but you were there. Today, at Saint Martha’s, we physically met again, at last, this time through a relic featuring your leg bone. It was the strangest thing, but all I could do was pray and cry. Just this morning I’d joked about saying hello to ONLY you today, and there you were. I’m left with no shortage of love in my heart but am admittedly lost for what it all means. All I know is that you always come to me in threes. I will continue to write and reflect, and I hope you continue to pray for me.